My first serious boyfriend and I had just finished having sex (like you do) when I had a devastating realisation, I DON’T THINK I TOOK MY TAMPON OUT BEFORE WE STARTED?!
I checked.
No string.
WHERE THE F*CK DID MY TAMPON GO?!
It was nowhere to be found OUTSIDE my body, so it must be INSIDE my body. Like, DEEP inside. A siren was going off in my head, TOXIC SHOCK SYNDROME. TSS. TSS. TSS. YOU’RE GONNA DIE.
For the next hour I made my boyfriend go “cave diving” for my tampon in the deep crevices of my female nether region, flashlight and all, only to come to the realization that I had indeed removed the tampon and all was right in the world.
Except for my boyfriend. He never recovered and we broke up a few months later.